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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Off-Topic Tuesdays: Thoughts on Exes and Itchy Feet




In an odd selfie mood today. No idea why...

I had breakfast at a local diner with my parents this morning and, as it so often does, the subject of my ex came up. You guys know my ex. If you've been following the blog for awhile, he's the guy in the My First Kiss post from awhile back. So if you ever wondered how that turned out...that ship has sailed. Two boyfriends and a few mistakes later, I'm happily settled down with someone new who I positively adore. But more on him later.

Anyway, the subject of my ex came up. Normally this would send me into a tailspin of emotion, remembering the good  (and bad) times we shared and the endless drama that ensued from our breakup. But oddly enough...I didn't care. The subject flowed into and out of the overall breakfast chatter with ease, and I felt no subsequent longing or pain as I so often did in the immediate aftermath.

Why is any of this relevant? Because it proves an important but often overlooked point for me -- things really DO get better. Because of my issues with depression and anxiety, I often get stuck in the bad feelings so long I forget what it's like to feel good, and forget that I will feel good and okay again at some point. There was a time when you could never have convinced me that my relationship with my ex would fall apart, and when we broke up, you could never have convinced me I'd be over it and with someone new. I didn't have enough faith in the cycles of life -- happiness, sadness, mourning of a loss, celebrating meeting someone new -- or for that matter, enough faith in myself, to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But casual moments like this, when I"m nibbling on an omelette while chatting away with my parents and checking Facebook statuses, odd things can spring to mind and suddenly become clear.

So where do itchy feet come in? My grandma has been saying for the longest time that she's got itchy feet -- meaning she wants to travel. I was indifferent to the constant griping of my parents and grandmother about how we simply must get out of the house and go somewhere for a weekend, but now that the weather has finally broken in NYC and we're experiencing some warm days, I'm beginning to empathize with them. I love the feeling of sitting in my dad's old grey Ford Explorer and driving out to God knows where. I love waking up at 4 in the morning to pack and watching the sun rise from the window of the car as we hit the Jersey Turnpike, a sure sign that we're headed far from home and not just around the corner. And I miss having new experiences. I'm quite happy in my little routine of school, my job, and my family, but every once in awhile, I begin to crave more. So you were right, Grandma. We've all got itchy feet. And I can't wait to see where they take me. 

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