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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Off-Topic Tuesdays: My Struggle With Weight

I did an OTT post months ago to give you guys a glimpse into my life outside of makeup. Though it's been hard to think of topics, I'm going to try to make this a weekly feature. It's fun to write and I hope that it'll be fun to read.

I didn't always have an issue with my weight. As a kid I was very thin, and could eat anything without gaining. It wasn't until puberty hit that the pounds came on. I went from 120 pounds to 140 overnight. I had big breasts, wide hips, an ample rear. And I hated all of it.

I had been bullied a lot as a child. Gaining 20 pounds and suddenly having a brand new body to deal with was yet another thing for the kids at school to tease me about. I was often called fat, though I now realize I was nowhere near overweight. But at the time, I believed it, and my self confidence plummeted. I went on diet at after diet, weighing myself constantly and using the Catholic season of Lent as an excuse to eliminate anything that tasted good and was eaten often (usually chocolate and soda). I grew to hate my body, and never learned to make peace with it.

Fast forward to now, almost ten years later. I still have body confidence issues. I still occasionally diet and try to lose weight. The most recent attempt was when I started college. I tracked every single thing I put in my mouth online and exercised 3-5 days a week. I lost 20 pounds, and still hated myself. I realized losing weight wasn't the answer to my body issues. The answer was learning to love myself, and accept my body as it was.

I'm still working on making peace with my body today. Therapy has helped, but it's a daily struggle. It's hard not to feel guilt for having that extra cookie, and it's difficult not to berate myself for missing a workout. But I'm a lot better than I was when I started this journey and that's all that matters.

What body issues have you struggled with? How did you manage to conquer it?

8 comments:

  1. Aww Jackie, you are BEAUTIFUL. I can tell from your posts and your videos that you're a total sweetheart, and I'm glad to have found you as a blogger friend.
    I'd love to have some big breasts and a big butt - as I've already got the wide-ish hips ;). Everyone has confidence/body issues, and I know what you mean. In high school, I ate more than my dad and my brothers combined, but I still fit into a size 12 in kids clothing. These days, I'm a mom of 2, and my body is something completely different. I've hated it, but I've learned to accept myself as something more than a shell. There's good stuff inside, and when it comes down to it, that's all that matters, because in the end - that's all that I'm going to have left. My body will go along with any semblance of youth, but I'll be left with what really defines me as a person. That's how I get through my days and it keeps me content.
    Sorry that was long, lol!

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    1. Thank you so much, Aislinn! :) Your comment made my night, it means everything to me to have a blogger friend like you. You're absolutely right, inner beauty is so much more important than what's on the outside, and it's what lasts. <3

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  2. By the way, Jackie, I tagged you in my Seven Deadly Sins Tag post ;)
    http://abeautymoment.blogspot.com/2013/06/seven-deadly-sins-of-beauty-tag.html

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  3. We all have things we want to change and a few pounds we want to drop. I try not to obsess over it too much but people in general seem to be obsessed with weight and looks.

    You are beautiful hun just be healthy and happy.

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  4. I'm going through the same thing, and I understand how you feel. I hated how I became because I gained a lot of weight because of my condition. What's worse, people I know would make insensitive and rude comments about my weight. I just realized that hating myself wouldn't really help, and I shouldn't let what others say get to me. I chose to live healthy and take one day at a time. I also kept in mind that I should lose weight to be healthy, and not be be skinny.

    Just be positive, and keep in mind that you are a beautiful person.

    Bobbie
    Lemons and Carnations

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    1. Thanks, Bobbie. <3 I'm so sorry you went through that, the rude comments people make about your weight can be the worst thing about gaining. Kudos to you for choosing to live a healthy lifestyle and focus on that rather than conforming to society's standards.

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  5. Sweetheart, you are beautiful and you look to be of a very healthy weight. I understand how you feel though. I've never been really thin, but when I was a kid I was always of average weight. But when I got into high school I gained about 50 pounds seemingly overnight. It killed my self confidence, and no matter what I tried I just couldn't seem to lose the weight. It wasn't until I graduated from high school that I lost those 50 pounds and returned to a healthy weight and even then I wasn't really satisfied. By the time I finally accepted my shape and got comfortable there, I got pregnant and gained 40 pounds and the cycle started again. I've lost 20 of those 40 extra pounds, but it still kills me. You just have to remember that you are your own worst critic in these situations. Other people think you are beautiful just the way you are. And remember that if you're stressed your body will want to put on more weight, it's a survival instinct. So if you find yourself stressing about that extra cookie just focus on something else. I wish you the best of luck, and remember that you are not alone in your feelings.
    I stopped by from the Aloha Blog Hop and am following via GFC. I'd love it if you stopped by my blog as well!
    Have a lovely weekend!!
    Danielle
    http://kalamityjanekosmetics.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Danielle! It's nice to know so many people can relate to my struggle. I'm so glad you found the blog from the Aloha blog hop, I'm following you on GFC as well. :)

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I love reading your comments and seeing what you think of the blog. Feel free to leave one anytime, and I will always try to answer any questions you have. :)